Just us Girls

back from Savannah

Well, I am finally back from my well needed/deserved trip alone. No husband, no children. I did have my mom and my two sisters come with me and we had a great time. We had lots of great food. I got plenty of sleep. Loved that!
We really had a wonderful time. I loved being able to have a vacaton with my wonderful mom and sisters, no dad, husband or brother. i love them, too.

I am so fortunate that I am able to be this close with my family. My Mom,sisters and I live so far apart, but, yet I call and talk to them everyday ,as if they were next door to me.

I know we can still get on each other's nerves but, who cares.
I can remember being about 12 years old and my sisters who by the way are older than me, were picking on me. i always felt like I never fit in, an they used to lie to me and tell me that I was adopted by my parents and that my real mom was my dad's sister. My Aunt Sue, who at the time I thought had the biggest bubble nose on earth( no offense Aunt Sue) She also had a few mental disabilities from childbirth. She is epileptic and her medicine made her mean.

Anyway, I would grow up planning on getting a nose job because i thought my nose looked like her nose. I also would go through my parents papers to see if there really were adoption papers in there. Not that I wanted to be adopted.... You know I love you Mom and dad.

I also remember the times that my sisters dressed up like clowns when I was about fie years old, they sat me on the bed and came out of the closet seeing the Everly Brother's "Cathy's Clown" just for me they did this. I rember these moments as if it were yesterday, just like when my sister and i would fight out in the front yard, and she would always win. She wears like a size zero, but, she can kick butt!

I always felt like I grew up in their shadows. Always being compared to them. Always trying to be different. I now embrace who I am, a little anyway. I no longer compare myself to them.

I always regretted not going to college, they went. I always felt that I wasn't as smart as them. I know now that they don't feel that way about me. My Mom and sisters support me all of the way and truly care about me. I sit here with tears, knowing how true that is. I could call all three right now, and they would be here to help me as soon as they could get here.

I also remember the the time the told me a dog biscuit was a cookie and I ate it. maybe that is whhy I am such an animal lover. Anyway, they laugh at my unusualness. How I am so funny about certain things, and we laugh at each other. I love them, they truly are best friends, my gifts from God.

I wouldn't want it any other way. Now I guess I sould tell you about my brother...Well, thats for another day.

Beach Beauty

Sand filled hair,flowing
Sun-kissed skin, ever glowing.

Hazel eyes, brightly shining,
The water's reflections in their lining

Legs splashing into waves,
sand Angels, she makes as she lays

Seashells, she searches, treasures found.
Castles she builds, hardly making a sound.

the sweet laughter, from her lips. I hear
holding on to her childhood, I long to keep it near.

She grows as fast, as the ocean waves roll,
Today she is small, tomorrow , she'll go

I walk the shores, holding her hand
watching her smiles and her footprints in the sand.

I watch her play, I could watch her forever
Thank you God, Thank you
For this beautiful treasure.

C. J. Mobley

just call me a meanymommy that lies

Today I had the task of taking Little Miss Attitude to the pediatrician for her 4 year old check-up. As soon as her little feet hit the floor this morning, she would ask about getting shots. She was dreading this afternoon, and so was I, because I can remember the last time she had them. It wasn't pretty.

We made our way to the doctor's office, and I was shocked that I was actually on time. All of my close friends and family having a running joke about how I am always late. It is part of my AdultADD. Anyway, we walk in and they greet us wonderfully, calling my daughter another little girl's name, and I correct them, and let them know our names and what time our appointment is, they give some looks, smiles, etc.etc.

Long story short, I might have been on time, actually early MAYBE 7 DAYS EARLY!
I screwed up yet again.

I knew that my poor child would have to suffer through another week, wondering about those horrible shots.

They undertsood, without really saying anything to them, and they let us see the doctor anyway. It worked out, well, for a little while anyway.

My daughter was an angel, ( I had bribed her with Polly Pocket and accessories from Target, 30 minutes earlier) until the nurse came in, and with those three nasty needles.

It came down to my child turning into the devil's daughter, crawling under a chair and, of course I had to get her out, and they had to hold her down, while she kicked and screamed, head spinning and the whole bit.

I was the worst mommy in the world at this moment. I saw the future right then, I saw my daughter in therapy saying" It all started when my mother held me down while the bad people hurt me." I was wondering if she would ever forgive me.

When it was over she took her lollipop, we wiped away the tears, and I promised we would go get a milkshake. On the way home, I was a little distracted from the incident, she was still upset, but this time was because she had cried inside the office and she shouldn't have cried. I had told her it was ok to cry.

I have no idea what was going on, all I noticed is a minivan was crossing right in front of me at the intersection. I thought what kind of idiot is that, pulling out in front of me. Then I looked up and noticed I had a red light, and I was going straight through the intersection. Yes, I was the idiot.

We made it through like we were in a 007 car chase scene. I went in between the mini-van and another car, without getting a scratch, almost hit the curb, pulled it together and got back on track. Horns were blowing, and I just knew that if I looked behind me, there would be a huge pile up.

Nothing.

Thank God!

My daughter's therapy bill was adding up in my head, and I knew I would probably have to change my pants. I thought that someone has probably reported a mad driver on Hwy 81. I finally made it to CudaDad's work, so he could console his little girl.
I walked in and let him know what a trooper his little girl was that day, and how I had saved his wonderful wife and daughter from a mad driver on Hwy 81 who pulled out in front of me.

I know, I know. I can be evil.

So goes the day in the life of a mad housewife.

The Lost and Found Dept.

It was Christmas 1991, I was beautiful then,I didn't think so at the time, but I look back and I would love to look like that again.

It was early morning and I was staying with CudaDad and his parents in their lake home for Christmas. I had imagined all weekend how my christmas present was going to be given to be down by the water, on one knee. He would propose marriage to me this weekend, I kust knew it.

It never did happen and we were there Christmas morning, so it would have to happen then, he gave me a small square package wrapped so nice and pretty,( You could tell it was jewelry, This was it, He waa proposing Christmas morning, in front of his parents)

I tore off the paper, so nervous and excited, I opened the velvet box, and inside was something beautiful, but at that moment , I was so disappointed. I tried not to show the disappointment on my face. He was so happy for me that I didn't want to seem ungrateful.

Inside was a pair of Diamond earrings, not too small, but not too big. Just right. So beautiful.

I let him know how beautiful they were and gave plenty of kisses and thank yous. I eventually got over not getting proposed to that day. He never knew what I had expected. the proposal came a year later.

I wore those earrings everyday for the last 14 years, never taking them out of my ears except to clean them, or for some medical reason.

Tonight, as I ate dinner, I reached up to my right ear, and one of my worst nightmares came true. My Diamond was gone.

My husband and I have been sick all night looking for it. Wondering where it is laying. Hoping that I will find it. I know that it can be replaced for a new or even bigger diamond, but, I want that one. The one that at the time, I didn't want, but, held dear to my heart anyway.

I hope to find that little diamond earring, and I guess if I can't find it, I will always have Christmas 1991, and the day I saw my future husband's face when he gave them to me. If it stays lost forever, I can have hope in knowing I can find the love that gave them to me, lying beside me every night.

So you finally Did something ,

OK, My love CudaDad finally has mowed the grass after about a year and a half.
He pays the neighbor to cut our grass, while, I get hassled for wanting to hire cleaning services.

He finally mows the grass, only because the neighbor is out of town, and all of sudden he has done so much for the world. I should bow down to the King Almighty of Grass Cutting.

So what if I talked to my friend on the phone today, so what if I sat around and snuggled with our little girl in the hammock while you actually did something around the house.

I work 24/7, so, I will sit all day long, just for some of the remarks and looks I have received today.

I might not do any laundry this week, how about that?

Why is that My CudaDad thinks he is my supervisor just because he works outside of the home, I am a grown adult, I have enough things to do, without having a to do list from Cudaman.
I do love CudaDad, I just don't care for this supervisor crap!

I need to go to his work and start telling him what to do!

I guess if he thinks i need to do more things around the house, i will get a pay raise with a child/spouse free vacation and then he can fire the neighbor and starting cutting the grass.

So much rage

I really need my meds back. I have cut them down recently,( CudaDad and I are actually thinking about another child) I am wanting to be very healthy for my baby. I guess the extra 100 lbs on my used to be Hot Bod from 8 years won't hurt anything.

I love food. I eat food for love, comfort and just really because it takes soooooooo good. I also eat when I am upset or bored. Today I was both. Not mad just agitated, remember the med thing. Zoloft I need you back. Tom Cruise I love you, but bite me.

My beautiful angel of a child seems to have turned into the devil's spawn. I literally wonder how someone so little and cute could do such spiteful things. I wonder am I a good mother. If I don't have the patience for one child, I will need elctric shock therapy if I have one more.

I have had to talk my husband into this baby thing for over a year or so, and now I am worrying about this stuff. I just can't control myself, lately I have just wanted to get tin my car turn the radio up loud, gas up the car and drive, and drive until I am somewhere tropic and quiet and I am waited on and told how wonderful I am for a change, somewhere that laundry is done for me, not by me, and I can go to the movies and see a movie, a good crying girly movie. I can get dessert with my meal wthout having someone ask " are you still hungry?" It is a lovely dream.

I can't do any of that because I love my family, as crazy as it is, I love it. I guess I need to to take up Yoga or something and channel my anger elsewhere if my happy pills are going away. or now I guess I will have to stick to chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate.

MentalMommy

mentalMommy: Oh So Tired of....

I am oh so tired of the fact that I do EVERYTHING around the house, yes I do CudaDad. I mean I packed for hours upon hours, did laundry even longer, packed suitcases in a car after going down 18 steps out of our home( thats another story) and it is my fault that we are late for a trip. Cudadad, sometimes known as Crazyguitardad stayed in front of the TV playing old Metallica CD's, trying to get his youth back, while playing his brand new guitar.
I would have loved to sit around eating my Bon Bons and watching some great stuff, getting a massage from my imaginary pool boy Patrick Dempsey, but no, I slave, I do it all.

I even had to sit through Shark Boy and Lava Girl for Miss Attitude, which by the way, was a good movie.
The point is, that my husband acts like my life is a full time vacation. HELLO! I have not had a quiet moment in a bathroom since 2001, (I mean I think Wal-mart at leasts gives bathroom breaks) even before the little hands are waving under the door, I have CudaDad knocking on the door, wondering what I'm doing in there. I haven't had a true vacation in many years, so as much as I love you sweetheart! Bite my ass!

I mean you lay around doing nothing, you have th neighbor do the yard work, at least I do my chores! I packed your clothes for this great vacation we are on with YOUR PARENTS, so forget that I spent 2 hours with my daughter at the movies, watching a movie I didn't want to see, but, I did because Miss Attitude's laughter is worth every Lava girl fireball I had to watch.

I am oh so tired of being made to feel guilty for spending time with my daughter. MY SO CALLED JOB is raising her, not doing your crappy(no pun intended)underwear!

So let's enjoy this vacation, give me some money for souvenirs and gambling I will see you when I run out, oh by the way, I think I forgot to pack your socks.