So much rage

I really need my meds back. I have cut them down recently,( CudaDad and I are actually thinking about another child) I am wanting to be very healthy for my baby. I guess the extra 100 lbs on my used to be Hot Bod from 8 years won't hurt anything.

I love food. I eat food for love, comfort and just really because it takes soooooooo good. I also eat when I am upset or bored. Today I was both. Not mad just agitated, remember the med thing. Zoloft I need you back. Tom Cruise I love you, but bite me.

My beautiful angel of a child seems to have turned into the devil's spawn. I literally wonder how someone so little and cute could do such spiteful things. I wonder am I a good mother. If I don't have the patience for one child, I will need elctric shock therapy if I have one more.

I have had to talk my husband into this baby thing for over a year or so, and now I am worrying about this stuff. I just can't control myself, lately I have just wanted to get tin my car turn the radio up loud, gas up the car and drive, and drive until I am somewhere tropic and quiet and I am waited on and told how wonderful I am for a change, somewhere that laundry is done for me, not by me, and I can go to the movies and see a movie, a good crying girly movie. I can get dessert with my meal wthout having someone ask " are you still hungry?" It is a lovely dream.

I can't do any of that because I love my family, as crazy as it is, I love it. I guess I need to to take up Yoga or something and channel my anger elsewhere if my happy pills are going away. or now I guess I will have to stick to chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate.

MentalMommy